MS and Your Family

It's been said that when one person in the family gets a multiple sclerosis diagnosis, the whole family gets multiple sclerosis. Multiple sclerosis brings changes that can be stressful for everyone in the family. Below are tips that can help your family weather the challenges, work together and still have fun. Maintaining a healthy, supportive family environment can be the greatest comfort when facing the challenge of multiple sclerosis.

Changing and Challenging Roles

Multiple sclerosis often leads to changes in family roles. As multiple sclerosis progresses, the person who was once the primary financial support for the family may have to reduce working hours, reducing family income. A spouse or partner may need to make job adjustments in order to bring in more income or maintain health insurance. Someone who was the primary childcare provider may suddenly rely more on a spouse to help with the child rearing and household chores. Children themselves may be expected to take on additional household tasks and may need to adjust to a parent who can't participate fully in some activities.

Families need to be patient and flexible while they figure out a new rhythm of life around multiple sclerosis. Weekly family meetings can help you sort through concerns and difficulties, while giving each family member an opportunity to speak openly. Communication and planning are keys to weathering stressful times.

Don't hesitate to ask for help. Counseling and support groups can help each member of the family deal with the challenges of multiple sclerosis. Teenagers and spouses may benefit the most from joining a support group designed specifically for loved ones of people with MS.

Take friends and extended family up on their offers of help. Once a month ask a friend to look after the children or clean the house. Outside help can relieve family stress over chores and give your family more time to spend together.

Continue to do activities together as a family. While some family activities may need to be adjusted, don't stop spending time together because of multiple sclerosis. Time spent enjoying each other's company, having fun and relaxing keeps your family healthy.

Multiple Sclerosis and Your Spouse or Partner

Multiple sclerosis can be particularly challenging to a marriage or partnership because the diagnosis usually comes at a time in life when you and your spouse are working together on goals for the future. Multiple sclerosis can make both partners feel that hopes and dreams are in jeopardy. Couples need to work together to maintain effective communication. Working together to face the challenge can strengthen your relationship and help you adjust to how multiple sclerosis affects your life. It's important not to jump to any premature conclusions about what the future holds. While multiple sclerosis can be unpredictable, most people with relapsing forms of MS have many productive years ahead of them.

Set aside time to work out a revised plan for the future. Understanding how you plan to handle adjustments that may need to be made in the future can ease a lot of the anxiety about what happens next.

Work out a specific plan for determining how practical needs are handled and who will be responsible for what, when. While this is a good idea in any marriage, multiple sclerosis can mean that old ways of doing things and old expectations need to change. Negotiation, compromise and enlisting help from others can reduce feelings of being overburdened and subsequent resentment.

Stay flexible, be patient and forgive. Life brings all kinds of challenges to relationships. Chances are, multiple sclerosis will be only one of them.

Multiple Sclerosis and Your Children

Be honest with your children. If you try to hide your diagnosis, chances are they will sense something is wrong. If you don't tell them about your diagnosis, your children will not understand why you can't participate in activities when you're fatigued or will misinterpret your behavior when symptoms are bothering you. This can lead children to believe that you are not interested in them or to feel like they have done something wrong. So tell them about your multiple sclerosis diagnosis. Speak to them at their level, but be honest. There are several books and brochures aimed at explaining multiple sclerosis to children. One of these can help you get the conversation started.

When you tell your children you have multiple sclerosis, their first response may be fear that you are going to die. It's very important to reassure them that multiple sclerosis is not a fatal disease. Children may also feel guilty, as if they have brought on the disease or are in some way responsible for it. Again, they need reassurance that multiple sclerosis is not their fault. Educating your children about the disease can help dispel their anxieties and fears. Let them ask questions, and if you don't know the answer, help them research the answer.

Children often take great pride in being able to contribute small, practical tasks that help the household. But sometimes they want to take on more responsibility than they should. Let them help in ways that are appropriate, but they should not perform adult tasks.

Remember that even if you can't do the same activities you used to do with your children, you can still have fun together. If tossing a football isn't an option, maybe a board game is. A hike in the mountains may have to give way to a picnic under a shade tree. Whatever you choose, keep in mind that what children want most is your time, love and attention.

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